Recently I got asked a question that was basically: “I lose at everything, how do I stahp that?”
Well, shit. It’s that bad, huh?
Listen, I know a guy who can put you out of your misery. He ain’t cheap, but he gets the job done. Should he make it look like an accident or would you like something a bit more exotic?
Look, sometimes life deals you a bad hand, and the losing streak might seem endless.
The question is whether you want to fight it, accept it, or step away from the table.
By asking this question you’re looking for a magic bullet, hoping that somebody will you an answer that helps you unlock the secrets of winning.
Do you know what the odds are of you being born? The odds that your parents’ paths would somehow cross and then create you?
Some people have said 1/400,000,000,000,000 (400 trillion), others 1/700,000,000,000,000 (700 trillion).
Dr. Ali Binazir put it as follows in an article on Huffington Post:
Probability of your being born: one in 10²,685,000
As a comparison, the approximate number of atoms in the known universe is 10⁸⁰.
So what’s the probability of your being born? It’s the probability of 2.5 million people getting together — about the population of San Diego — each to play a game of dice with trillion-sided dice. They each roll the dice — and they all come up the exact same number — say, 550,343,279,001.
You could argue that you actually won. You won big. So, here you are.
Now, let’s look at winning in card games, football games, videogames, etc.
Winning in games involves two things: Skills and Luck.
What you can do is to study and acquire the skills required to play the game to the best of your abilities. Different games require different sets of skills. While both are card games, playing Poker and playing Black Jack require different skills. Also, you might prefer one over the other.
Same goes for playing the game of becoming an athlete, a doctor, or a musician.
Not everybody is going to win big at any game. There will be a few who win somewhat consistently because they’ve built their skillset and are lucky enough to be able to string together a set of wins.
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” — Seneca
Nobody’s coming to save you, so you kind of have to find a way of dealing with the fact that you either haven’t built up your skills and/or you haven’t been lucky yet. If it really bothers you then you should seek out professional help so you can get the tools required to deal with your particular set of circumstances.
For all we know you’ve just had shitty people around you who somehow managed to convince you that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, handsome enough, or whatever.
So, you might have to become the person you wish you had in your life who would tell you how great you actually are.
Get curious about yourself. Also, be very honest about why you’ve come to hold these beliefs. The world doesn’t get to dictate to you who you are.
You aren’t a loser just because you’ve lost at games, don’t have a girlfriend, or don’t enjoy school.
I’m not victim blaming here, but you’re the one telling yourself this story, and you should stop doing that. Start telling yourself another story, start thinking about where you want your life to go.
And I’m not talking about “winning this” or “getting that”.
I’m talking about the bigger picture.
Here are some questions to get you going:
1. What do I love to do?
2. What am I good at?
3. Where does what I love to do intersect with what I’m good at?
4. Who can I help by doing that?
5. Where do they hang out?
Then you go there and interact with them.
See, this isn’t about focusing on all the things that you don’t have going for you. It’s about waking up to the fact that there is something that you actually do have, and that you can start sharing with others.
This is not to say that it’s going to be the one thing you have to do for the rest of your life. Nor does it mean that once you find it you won’t experience losses. Oh, they’ll stack up. Our weaknesses will always outnumber our strengths.
But if you can start building on that one win, the fact that you were born, then slowly but surely you’ll notice your life shifting towards the better.
Now, it’s really up to you whether you look at this like something out of “The Secret”. I mean, it sounds corny enough.
It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look for improvements, but you shouldn’t just focus on your losses. Look for opportunities to put yourself in the best possible position to succeed.
What that looks like for you is something you’ll have to figure out by asking yourself questions as well as listening to the people who know you and really want to see you succeed.
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this it’s that no matter how good you are, you’re always going to have setbacks. There’s no way of guarding yourself against them.
Becoming the person you want to be is not about the wins or losses along the way.
It’s about loving the process.
I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
– Michael Jordan
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Have a kick-ass ₢eative day!