“I simply do not think that yelling, swearing, threatening or belittling will get you to the place you want to be faster than kindness, understanding, patience and a little willingness to compromise.”
– Rachel Nichols
No matter how much we have in common with another person we can find ourselves butting heads.
The simple truth is that what we want and what the other person wants are sometimes at odds with each other.
Now, some people are used to getting their way, some people are afraid of confrontation and give in at the first sign of trouble while others are more prone to compromise.
Take a minute and think about which camp you find yourself in the most. Be really honest with yourself.
Most of us may think that the best way to handle things are limited to those camps. What we’re presented with is a false trilemma.
It excludes at the very least 3 other ways of handling the situation.
Let’s use the example of going to the movies and one of you wants to see “Star Wars” and the other wants to see “The Hunger Games”.
- You get into an argument, get pissed off, neither party gives in and neither of you gets to see a movie.
- One gives into the other’s wish and sulks.
- You go see “Creed” instead.
- One goes and watches “Star Wars”, and the other “The Hunger Games”.
- You flip a coin or play rock, paper, scissors.
- You go see one today and the other next time.
- Insert your own solution here.
Now, if we put aside the matter of which movie to see, we can start talking about what we need rather than what we want.
I’m guessing that both parties in this case need to do something together. Well, does that necessarily need to be the movies? Apparently it’s creating a rift rather than bringing them closer together.
If we focus on what we need it gets a little more abstract. We can take other options into consideration. They could do something they both would actually enjoy instead.
The fact may very well turn out to be that both people feel a need to see their preferred movie. If that’s the case then they should acknowledge that and then perhaps watch the movies seperately.
Both parties need to understand what’s most important to them. Not just assume that the “norm” or their idea of how something “should” be needs to lead to the best results. This mindset often gets in the way of coming up with novel solutions.
Then there are those times when it’s best to simply just walk away and have both parties do their own thing.
Recognizing when to use what strategy comes only with time and practice.
Have a kick-ass ₢eative day!