“Negativity is the enemy of creativity.” – David Lynch
Now, i’m a big proponent of personal responsibility. After the previous post I got to thinking about how I let someone else’s actions determine how I felt.
Those feelings weren’t there before, I (and/or my body) just conjured them up as a response to remind myself not to put myself into those kinds of situations. Atleast not knowingly. It was kind of interesting to take a step back and think about what actually happened there.
We could objectively say that most people would’ve reacted the same way. Frustrated and disappointed. The difference lies in perspective. Is it REALLY the other person that went into our biological system and stirred up these emotions? Or is it a programmed response that we can learn to override?
Luckily for us, scientific evidence points to the latter!
Let’s say that you’re a kid and someone comes up to you and says: “You’re stupid!”. Our automatic response is usually something like: “No, i’m not!”, “Am I?” or “How did they figure it out so fast?!”.
We either argue, doubt ourselves or agree. All three of these reactions set off chemical reactions in the body. None of them particularly good.
What we usually DON’T do is to defer judgement until we can get more information. If we do that we might realize that we did something we weren’t concious of that the other person took offence to. Maybe the other person is having issues of their own and just acting out. There could be a million reasons and we just take it at face value.
Regardless, it’s still not what the other person says that determines how we feel. It’s what we tell ourselves after the person has stopped talking.
Nature abhors a vacuum so what we do is fill in the blanks.
If we start believing what other people tell us that we are and/or how they treat us is a reflection of our self worth. Then we’re going to have a bad time.
Unless, of course, they’re really cool people who see us as we really are and are encouraging us to move forward with our dreams. If that’s the case, there are good times ahead!
This is what happened with me. I let the other person’s actions affect how I felt about me. Also, I acted against my better judgement. So, there’s that!
So we slip, we get up, we look at what we can do better next time and we move on.
What matters is how we fill in the blanks!
Instead of quotes i’d like to leave you with some great reads!
- Attached – Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
- Maxwell Maltz – Psycho-Cybernetics
- Bounce – Matthew Syed
- Dear Luke, We Need To Talk, Darth – John Moe
- One More Thing – B.J Novak
- Trying Not To Try – Edward Slingerland
- Supersurvivors – Lee Daniel Kravetz, David Feldman