“People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.” – J. Michael Straczynski
When we’re young the last thing on our mind is being “responsible”. We just want to play and let other people (read parents and/or grown ups) take the consequences and clean up after us. Because, you know, i’m a kid, what’d you expect?
Little by little we actually start to take responsibility for stuff in our lives. Job, money, food, laundry, bills etc. But some things we still feel are out of our control. The brown stuff happens.
Somewhere along the line we got it into our heads that we can take responsibility for certain stuff but not for other stuff. That other stuff “just happens” and there’s nothing we can do about it. We hand away our control.
I wish that i’d learned this a lot earlier, because it would’ve saved me a LOT of unnecessary time moping and feeling sorry for myself. And so, I want to share this with you.
Even though you can’t control everything that happens to you, you can control how you react to it.
You can choose to either feel sorry for yourself and play the blame game or you can choose to say: “Alright, so THAT happened. Where do I want to go from here?”.
We can go through a lot of rough things in life. Losing people we love, getting beat, getting teased, having a disease, getting into an accident and so on. But does that define who we are? Sure, if we let it.
Every single moment we can make a choice to go in the direction that we want to. If there are obstacles in the way, identify them and take them down one by one. Maybe you need to resolve childhood issues, maybe you need to get help from other people, maybe you need to get away from a toxic environment. Whatever it is, we need to find a way.
It might not be urgent right now, I mean, we COULD start tomorrow. What’s another day, right?
Is it important? You bet your sweet little tush it is. And what have we learned about things that are important but not urgent? Sooner or later it’s going to get into box number one where it is both important AND urgent!
Hopefully, we’re smart enough to get burned a couple of times and learn our lesson. But sometimes, don’t ask me why, it needs to hurt so bad that it turns your life upside down, inside out and corner to edge (wait, what?).
I know that in my life it had to hurt so bad that I felt like it’s sink or swim. I mean, it really was a matter of: “Either I keep doing this and wake up dead one day or it changes right now, because i’m tired of feeling like crap and I deserve better!”.
The trick is to feel it. To feel like you really deserve better. You know that nagging feeling of “it’s bad but it’s not THAT bad”? There should be red lights flashing and alarms going off the instant you start feeling like that. It’s an indicator of things slowly but surely gaining momentum towards Shitsville, population: You.
Ask yourself why you get up in the morning. Is it because the alarm clock tells you it’s time to get up to go and do the work your boss tells you to? Is it because you want to prove yourself to others? To get other people’s love and adoration?
Maybe you could find a reason within YOURSELF? Something that makes you to get up and go for the things you want in your life. Regardless of what other people have done to you, said to you, said about you or just life in general happening to you.
Most of the time it’s a lonely journey. People around you might not want to go along with you. They might even try “crabs in a bucket”-tactics. Get out of the habit of blaming the circumstances. Get out of the habit on shaming and blaming yourself. The things that happened to you aren’t your fault, but it’s your responsibility to take action to make things better.
What the world needs isn’t our excuses for not trying, it’s our reasons for living.